haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
