A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
