I wanna passion pit in your ass
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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