My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize