Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
