i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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