I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
