just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This house was built for laser tag.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
