every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
