He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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