This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
