Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
