i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
