About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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