My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
