the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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