Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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