I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
