Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
