Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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