you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you will always have a special place in my vag
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
