Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
