Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just googled if crying burns calories
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
