How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
