He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
