the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize