dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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