I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
