Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
