i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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