I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize