At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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