im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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