i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
