I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
