He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
