oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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