1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
