I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
