Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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