I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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