I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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