No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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