then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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