are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
