What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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