even my farts smell like vagina
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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