You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Let's get the cat blown out
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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