Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
