Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
