You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
