break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
