I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
