Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
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