I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize