Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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