This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
