I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
