He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
