At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
