he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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