Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
