But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
