Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
