4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
