Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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