I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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