More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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