I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
