Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize