Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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