On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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