my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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