I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
