There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
