i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
