i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
