I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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