what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
