I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
