oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
