if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
