New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
