The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
