genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
