I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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