so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
