That's when you crack a 10am beer
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
