Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize