go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
