I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
