why didn't you poke me back
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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