She's JV to your varsity
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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