So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just found puke in my bra..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
