A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
