Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
