Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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