He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
