So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
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