I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
