Ambien. No doubt about it.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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