We won't sleep together?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
