Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
