Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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