i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You may now shotgun with the bride
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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