i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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