You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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