return my video game
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
