I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
