i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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